Loving this blog

http://the-coveted.com/blog/2009/11/10/everyone-is-beautiful/

The Reality - an interesting find

Although we want to love and be loved, we also fear both. Our past experiences have programmed us to associate loving and being loved with unpleasant experiences and especially with feelings of vulnerability.

1.      We would like them first to ask for forgiveness or at least realize their mistakes.

-       We are the ones who are suffering from our negative feelings associated with not being able to forgive and love.

2.      We want to place the blame for our dissatisfaction with ourselves or our lives on someone else who is "responsible".

-       Blaming others for what we are not satisfied with will never improve our reality.

3.      We have identified with the role of the victim and need to feel hurt and abused.

-       Many seek to find their self-worth in the role of the victim or abused. The reasoning is like this. "I am the victim which means that the other is bad and I am good and thus worthy. As long as I am the victim, I am worthy." Thus we find reasons to feel hurt and angry and then we feel worthy and right. The role of the angry victim get a "double dose".

4.      We are in the role of the interrogator and need to find others' faults.

5.       We are afraid of expressing love, because we fear that there will not be an adequate response from others and we will feel rejected.

6.      We are afraid of being used, suppressed, limited, trapped or of not being able to be ourselves

-       Love can never be used or limited. It is always free. We usually allow ourselves to be used or suppressed when we want or need something from the other. Our attachment and fear cause us to bargain our freedom in order to receive approval, security or pleasure from others. When we are interacting with love without attachment, we do whatever the other asks, when we can do so with love and joy and we lovingly explain why we cannot or choose not to comply when that is the case. We are free to lovingly give and also to lovingly choose not to give.
When we love purely without attachment, we can be totally and honestly "ourselves".

7.      We fear allowing the others to become too familiar because they will lose interest.

-       Perhaps we ourselves lose interest in others when they do not pose a challenge anymore, when they can be taken for granted

8.      We fear that we will become weak.

-       Unfortunately some of us have been programmed to believe that love is a form of weakness and not for the strong and independent. Perhaps that accurately describes the images of love with which we have grown up. Unconditional love is the opposite. It is based on inner strength and personal freedom. We choose to love others because we love them, not because we need them. This requires the highest inner sense of self-worth and security.

9.       We fear the responsibilities of a relationship.

-       This is a choice we can make. We have every right to live alone and not enter into personal love relationships that are naturally accompanied by certain commitments and responsibilities. Some souls have chosen to evolve alone in this way. It is a valid life style. The question is whether we are choosing it because we are being guided by our soul to do so, or because we fear the responsibilities of a relationship. If it is the second reason, then we will be stagnant in our growth process as we fear to enter into exactly the situations required for our learning process.

Spiritual growth is a process in which we become secure enough within ourselves and our faith in the wisdom and justice of the universe, to be able to love even those who have harmed us.

Even if the relationship does not last for ever, does that mean failure? Have we not learned something and gained something?

The EX - someone with whom a person was once associated, often romantically

The starts of all relationships are always exciting, fun, adventurous. You can’t help but smile when hear from them, whether it be text or call. You crave to know everything about them...

But one day ... the smile turns into a grunt ... you get an adrenaline rush when you see their text but there is no happiness even though their message is a simple ‘Hi, how’s things?’ or ‘How’s work’

Okay so I’m trying really hard to make this into a ‘Carrie’ style ‘sex and the city’ article, BUT IT AIN’T WORKING!

So I’m going to cut to the chase and take you on another ‘dear diary’ moment...

Dear Diary,

It has been almost 1 year and 6 months since I first met him. But why is it that I still can’t get over him even though we ended things a year and 3 months ago.

Trying to be friends and contacting each other for 3 months straight after we decided to end things was definitely not the smartest thing to do...

Months went on, he made it pretty clear we couldn’t ever be together but still I would run to his beck n call every time he asked to meet. I would clear my schedule and even have a shower and hope that he would ask to meet. WHY?

Then 2 months ago after we met one night... things got heated... he said he couldn’t do it anymore, that it was not fair on both and that he would delete my number...

2 months later, he contacts, first through a social website then messages me ... whatever happened to deleting my number?

But soon it became very clear that all he wanted was just a physical relationship again...

But again I was dumb enough to think that he had some feelings...

Bought into his BS about ‘Yes, I do have feelings and I do want something long-term’...

The relationship didn’t even last 3 days ... and we both went into hibernation...

Does Fear of Being Alone, turn you blind?

Why is it that we can deconstruct and objectively analyse other relationships. If their partner is being ‘dodgy’ we can see straight through it as though there are BIG NEON signs above their head that point to the obvious!

But when you have a similar ‘dodgy’ person in your life ... you are blinded to all these BIG NEON signs. Do we selectively ignore them so that we can keep this person in our life, even though it is clearly obvious even to a blind individual that they are either simply using you for ‘self-ego boost’, ‘physical pleasures’ as they simply don’t give an emotional F**K about you.

Simple scenario:

Boy meets girl, LUST obvious from both parties ... girl plays hard to get ... boy chases (simply because it’s a CHASE!) ... girl eventually gives in thinking ‘the fact that he’s chasing so much must be simply because he LOVES me more than I LIKE him’ ... boy’s got the girl now so he stops chasing ... girl now falls for the boy because he’s NOT chasing, so NOW she wants him because he's not chasing the way he used to. 

Eventually they realise it won’t work out ... relationship ends ... but they still keep in contact (same level of contact as when they were going out – very unhealthy might I add)  ... relationship turns into an ‘on-again-off-again’ class ...

One member of the relationship (normally girl) gets frustrated over moral dilemma, as to whether what she is doing is incorrect ... if they can’t be together in the long run, what is the point of all this on-again-off-again. 

Time for self realization? whatever that means ...

FRIDAY, 22 APRIL 2011

Time for self realization? whatever that means ...

This is not my attempt to be a ‘Carrie’ from Sex and the City. I turn 23 on the 23th of April 2011 and enter my crown birthday. But what have I achieved in the last 23 years. Have I hurt people?

This is my time of self reflection. People may keep diaries and record their deepest and darkest thoughts but why? What is the purpose? Is it so that they feel a sense of ‘I have grown up’ when they revisit these old journals and realise that they no longer behave or think they way they used to in their younger naive playful days?

Today, I heard a simple phrase ‘If you don’t believe in love, what is there to look forward to in this life’. Such a simple little phrase from just a TV show made me thinking ... What exactly is love? How is it is that when you fall in this so called ‘love’ you feel alive. How is it that no matter what this other person has done to hurt you in the past, you continually forgive them and run after them even though you know you will get hurt. Why is it that even though you might be starting a new relationship, or are amidst the journey of a new relationship you can’t seem to get this so called ‘love’ who hurt you out of your mind. Will you ever forget them? Will you ever stop comparing you new relationships against this ‘love’?

So three hours before my 23rd birthday I started questioning everything. The purpose and meaning of life. I later decided to put my thoughts and questions in writing to see if that would open the doors to answers .... and here I am, on my laptop creating a blog and now typing frantically on it! why? 

Is it an attempt to seek attention from an audience that might not even exist out there? Or is it just my version of a digital 'dear diary' moment ... 

I remember a time when I was very young and kept a diary. A diary that I wrote in religiously every night for the first week I got it .... at some points I think I might have even made up stories in my OWN diary! just so that it was interesting in case someone picked it up and happened to read it ... why did i lie? why did i feel that I had to create stories to make them interesting? why was the truth alone not interesting enough?

So for those of you who have managed to find this blogger (how lame is this, I don't even know what this type of website is really called - blogspot?) ... but getting back to the story ... for those of you who have managed to land on this page, welcome to the thoughts of the girl who now questions everything .... a girl who will probably only reveal her deepest and darkest thoughts on this blog simply because she feels that no one will ever find out who she is and hence will not be judged by those who know her personally ....