Time for self realization? whatever that means ...

FRIDAY, 22 APRIL 2011

Time for self realization? whatever that means ...

This is not my attempt to be a ‘Carrie’ from Sex and the City. I turn 23 on the 23th of April 2011 and enter my crown birthday. But what have I achieved in the last 23 years. Have I hurt people?

This is my time of self reflection. People may keep diaries and record their deepest and darkest thoughts but why? What is the purpose? Is it so that they feel a sense of ‘I have grown up’ when they revisit these old journals and realise that they no longer behave or think they way they used to in their younger naive playful days?

Today, I heard a simple phrase ‘If you don’t believe in love, what is there to look forward to in this life’. Such a simple little phrase from just a TV show made me thinking ... What exactly is love? How is it is that when you fall in this so called ‘love’ you feel alive. How is it that no matter what this other person has done to hurt you in the past, you continually forgive them and run after them even though you know you will get hurt. Why is it that even though you might be starting a new relationship, or are amidst the journey of a new relationship you can’t seem to get this so called ‘love’ who hurt you out of your mind. Will you ever forget them? Will you ever stop comparing you new relationships against this ‘love’?

So three hours before my 23rd birthday I started questioning everything. The purpose and meaning of life. I later decided to put my thoughts and questions in writing to see if that would open the doors to answers .... and here I am, on my laptop creating a blog and now typing frantically on it! why? 

Is it an attempt to seek attention from an audience that might not even exist out there? Or is it just my version of a digital 'dear diary' moment ... 

I remember a time when I was very young and kept a diary. A diary that I wrote in religiously every night for the first week I got it .... at some points I think I might have even made up stories in my OWN diary! just so that it was interesting in case someone picked it up and happened to read it ... why did i lie? why did i feel that I had to create stories to make them interesting? why was the truth alone not interesting enough?

So for those of you who have managed to find this blogger (how lame is this, I don't even know what this type of website is really called - blogspot?) ... but getting back to the story ... for those of you who have managed to land on this page, welcome to the thoughts of the girl who now questions everything .... a girl who will probably only reveal her deepest and darkest thoughts on this blog simply because she feels that no one will ever find out who she is and hence will not be judged by those who know her personally ....